The Question - January 2012

Stephen Chapman has started a new monthly project where he asks his readers a question and they post the answers on their blog.

This month's question is:  What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?

So there's the obvious answers - like stabilizing the middle east, world peace, curing cancer.  But I think that Stephen is probably looking for a more personal answer.

I would find the one, settle down, and live happily ever after.

-nl

Flirting

From time to time at work I need to consult with someone from a different department – so we’ll have a half hour meeting to discuss the issue at hand.  I’ve noticed that everytime I meet with this particular person, I get the sense that they’re flirting with me – and then I find myself flirting back. 

Thing is – it’s a women.  She’s pretty.  Funny.  Nice.  The usual criteria that one looks for in a partner.  Don’t worry – I’m not sexually attracted to her.  And I doubt if she is attracted to me.  She’s married with kids.  I don’t think either of us interested in pursuing anything. 

I just think that our personalities mesh in a way where we find each other quite amusing.  So it becomes playful.

Is this something anyone else experiences?  I suspect it’s somewhat common. 

I think in this case, I flirt back because I know nothing will happen.  There’s no risk (to me).  I suppose I might be leading her on, but I really doubt that it means anything more to her than “oh look – he plays along.  I’ve still got it.”

Maybe I still have it too.  Lol.

Monthly Pics

Stephen Chapman stopped hosting the 5 on the Fifth last month.  I still snap pics from time to time when I'm out and about.  I don't know what else to do with them but post them.  So I'll call this my monthly pic post.  Here's my first crack at it.

Texture

Empty Soda

Window

Insomnia

Rain

Almost Home

5 on the 5th - December 2011

Hello Everyone.  Here's my contribution to Stephen's monthly photo sharing event.  Please be sure to stop by Stephen's Blog to view the other participants. 

Sadly - this is the last month of 5 on the 5th.  But check back here near the 5th of the month - I think I'll keep posting pics.

I didn't follow the theme this month - just some random shots.

Click on the images to expand.

@the car wash

my cat.  he's not amused.

some of my car keys.  i was having a hard time deciding what to drive.

a cool evening in phoenix

martial arts

Ghosts of Christmas Past

Well, not actually Christmas, but ghosts of the past.  In the past few weeks three guys who were formerly involved in my life in one way or another have reappeared.   Two were old friends with benefits (I’ve said it before – not so much friends, but heavy on the benefits), and one was someone I dated briefly. 

The first guy I mentioned in a post a long time ago – and I called him Casey.  We recently started talking when he messaged me through a popular website for gay men to meet each other.  At first we didn’t realize that we knew each other, but after we exchanged some photos, we quickly realized that we’ve been down this path before.  So we met up.  A good time was had by all.  Since then we’ve messaged a few times, but I doubt that we’ll meet up again, since it’s about an hour drive to his place.

The second guy is Jimmy.  If you’re a longtime reader of this blog, you’ll know who Jimmy is.  He found me on the same online website not mentioned above.  It’s been many months since we’ve talked.  We’re probably going to meet for dinner soon.  Just to talk.  Seriously.

The third guy has also been mentioned in this blog before.  I called him Rick.  We briefly dated.  Then things kind of fell apart.  A few weeks back he messaged me, and since then we communicate every so often.  He asked if we can meet up for a beer.  I said sure. 

Keep in mind – I’m just meeting these guys to talk.  There’s no expectation on my part.  I seriously doubt that Jimmy and I would ever have anything substantial – we just don’t seem to have that much in common.  We’d probably bore each other to death after a few hours.  Rick – IDK.  Maybe there’s potential, but like I said, it fell apart before. 

There’s a few new guys I’ve met too.  Mike is a helicopter pilot.  Nice guy.  We went out once.  It was fun.  But we haven’t been able to meet up recently due to his schedule.  I tend to back off when someone can’t make it, but he keeps messaging me indicating that he wants to go out.  My take on that is if you really want to meet someone, you make the time.  Otherwise we’re just playing games.

The second new guy is Mark.  I really like Mark.  So far we haven’t gone out on a date, if you catch my drift, but we've met up several times.  He’s a bit younger than me (like 13 years).  He's cute as hell and has an amazing body.  Smart too - he teaches at the University.  Reads like crazy.  We probably won’t be anything more that FWBs at this point, but I’d like to think there’s the possibility for more.  I suppose we need to have a discussion.

In other news – I am officially divorced.  Of course – we still live in the same house, so it’s not exactly a clean break.  But as mentioned before, we get along fine.  It only becomes awkward when I have to explain my situation to a possible date.

5 on the 5th - November 2011

Hello Everyone.  Here's my contribution to Stephen's monthly photo sharing event.  Please be sure to stop by Stephen's Blog to view the other participants.  This month's theme was "Movement" - but I chose to just take some random shots.

Click on the images to expand.

Furniture

Albuquerque

 

Marathon

Car Wash

Laundry

The Other Man

Maybe this post is long overdue.  It would seem that I have taken on a role that I don’t particularly like.  I’m not really sure how it happened.  

Sometime I go out on dates with guys.  They typically are unsuccessful.  Either I don’t like the guy – or he doesn’t like me.  To meet up with a guy and both of us have an interest, well that just hasn’t happened.

I do meet up with guys for just sex.  Oddly – that works better.  I’m much more likely to meet a guy multiple times if it’s just for sex than if it’s a date.  

Not that mind having a friend with benefits.  The main problem is – a lot of them have someone else in their life.  Generally I’m not aware of their situation until after we’ve already met up.  Here’s the most recent example:  I met this fairly attractive, in shape man for a hookup.  Right after we finished up – you could hear a noise in the house.  Like a door closing.  He said “Oh shit!  My roommate is home!”  That didn’t really faze me since we were in his room.  What would his roommate care?  But he started to get dressed very rapidly.  I asked him “will you’re roommate just barge in your room?”  He said “they might.”  So I started to get dressed frantically.  The bedroom had a door that opened to the outside – so I made my exit as soon as I was dressed (my socks were still in my hands – I figured I better get out before I got caught).  The whole thing looked like a scene from a crappy movie.

About a week later the same guy texts me.  He wanted to know if I could come over.   I thought about it for a few minutes and decided to go ahead and visit him again.  It was hot last time.

Between visits I had given it some thought – and it seemed that his reaction was a little over the top for a roommate.  I can’t see a roommate barging in his room unannounced.  So maybe it was his boyfriend.  Or he still lives with his parents.   So when I went back the second time – I looked for evidence of a partner. 

And I saw some.  Women’s clothing and a purse in his bedroom.  He’s got a female partner. 

After we finished – I asked him “did you get caught last time?”  He said no.  Then I said “are you married?”  He said “no.  I have a live in.”  So I said “Live in girlfriend?”  He said yes.  I asked him if that’s who had come home last time.  He said “Yes.  She’s usually at work at that time, but left early.”

Oh boy.  

And there are plenty of other guys who have boyfriends and they call/text me from time to time.  Almost always the BF doesn’t know that they play on the side.  It’s not something I’m comfortable with – and I’ve decided to stop interacting with these people.  

Another interesting fact is that most of these guys will tell me that the boyfriend does know – that they have an open relationship.  But then there’s some evidence that they don’t have an open relationship, and when pressed, they’ll admit that the boyfriend has no idea.  If we do talk about I tend to hear the same thing “my boyfriend and I never have sex anymore”.  Which is probably a lie just to make them seem less like an ass for cheating.  

I’ve also heard “sex with my boyfriend really isn’t satisfying”.  Maybe I’m naive here – but my advice to these guys is to end the relationship.  If you’re not happy in the bedroom – move on.

Anyway - I'm tired of being the other man.

5 on the 5th - October 2011

Hello Everyone.  Here's my contribution to Stephen's monthly photo sharing event.  Please be sure to stop by Stephen's Blog to view the other participants.  This month's theme was "Pleasure" - but I chose to just take some random shots.

Click on the images to expand.

I suppose this could count as pleasure - a group of friends enjoying a drink.

Fountain

Stop.  I took this because I love the little graffiti drawing on the sign.

Artificial Flower

Up Above It All

Smiles

I go out on dates fairly regularly.  And by dates I mean real dates.  Dinner.  Movies.  Normal stuff.  So typically when I start seeing someone, we’ll communicate via text.  Sometimes it’s just for logistical purposes, “I’m running 5 minutes late”, etc.  But often I’ll have a flirty banter back forth with a guy.  This can go on for days, or if you have a deeper connection with someone and enjoy conversing with them, it can go on for months.

The type of texting varies – sometimes it’s innocent.  Sometimes it’s cute.  Sometimes it’s naughty.  Yes – I admit it.  I’ve sexted.  It can be fun. 

The sometimes awkward part is when things move from innocent or cute to naughty.  Face to face it’s fairly easy to read that someone is talking about something of a sexual nature.  But via text (or any other electronic communication) – you can’t always see the tone.  Plus typo’s are fairly common, given the nature of smart phone keyboards.  Autocorrect doesn’t always work in your favor, either.

But something that I’ve been paranoid about for a while is the smile.  :)

Because sometimes I type ;) by mistake.  And that means something totally different than :)    

:) is cute.  It’s innocent.  It says “I like what you just said” or “that was funny”.

But ;) says “Hey.  Let’s drop all the pretense here.  We’re both adults.  We have needs.  Let’s get this ball rolling.”

“I can’t wait to see you tonight.   :)”  and  “I can’t wait to see you tonight.  ;)”  mean two different things.

So if I receive a ;) I never know how to react to it.  Was it a typo?  Does it not mean anything?  Am I supposed to switch gears here?  I could act like it was a :) instead.  That might send the message that I’m not interested.  But what if he didn’t mean ;) the way I think he did?  I might come across as an ass.

Impatience

I do occasionally meet up with people for nothing more than the sex.  It's not my primary goal - but until Mr. Right comes along - I visit with Mr. Right Now from time to time.  And now I see what they really mean by "Right Now".

I live in a suburb of Phoenix.  The Phoenix metro area is quite large geographically.  It can take an hour to drive from one side of the metropolis to the other.  I happen to live on one side.  It's an area that's more conservative and appeals to families.  Therefore, a lot of the single gay men live farther away - in more urban and trendy areas. 

So, from time to time, I'll have a discussion with a nice gentleman online.  Once we mutually decide that it would be nice to meet - they give me their address.  Then the difficult part comes.  I say "okay, give me 45 minutes to get there." 

"What?  Can you get here sooner?  That's too late."

I want to reply with "not unless you can teleport me over there."  I mean really.  They know where I live.  It's in my profile.  Usually they make some comment about me living out in the middle of nowhere (it's not - really).  Then they expect me to be able to drive 39 miles in city traffic in 10 minutes.  Believe it or not - it can actually be done in 45 minutes - we have nice highways in Phoenix.  But they're not magic.  And we don't have an inner city bullet train. 

Then the dreaded response comes:  "well - maybe some other time."  We all know how that goes.

I'd love to move to a more gay friendly area, but unfortunately my job is here.  And so is my life.  My daughter is very happy with her school, and I don't want to disrupt her any more than necessary.  So a move to downtown Phoenix is unlikely.

I guess I'm just going to have to live with the impatient men of Phoenix.  At least until Mr. Right appears.  Now where the hell is he?

The Phoenix Metro Area - 16,573 square miles/37,744 km² (according to Wikipedia)